


Promises

by Elivra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, M/M, My way of coping with chapter 114, blink and you miss it fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 23:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17693396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: Promises burn. It's ridiculous how Levi avoids them, as if it's just a question of semantics, as if it won't come true if he doesn't say it.(Spoilers for manga Chapter 114)





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> So the full chapter hasn't even come out yet, but... I can't. I just don't even know how to process this. I've been a wreck since the first text spoilers came out yesterday, and writing this has literally been the only way I've been able to deal with it. 
> 
> It might get better, but knowing how the story usually goes, I highly doubt it. Apologies in advance for the feels.

“I promise I won't tell! I'll keep my mouth shut, _please_!”

“Tch.” Kenny flicks away his cigarette and brings up his knife. The man screams and struggles against his bonds, to no avail. Levi watches from the corner, curious but detached. He already knows the drill.

“Please, I swear, I _swear-_ ”

Kenny's knife slices through the man's neck like butter. Blood spurts out, but Kenny knows the drill, too, and he steps away in a blink and gets none on his faded coat.

“Give me a break,” he mutters, wiping the blade on the dead man's sleeve. “ _Promise_ , my ass. Promises don't count for shit.”

Levi simply watches, until he is summoned to help get rid of the body.

*

* * *

 

“Hey, bro?”

“Go to sleep, Isabel,” Levi mutters.

She sits up and even her silhouette seems restless in the dark. “Do you really think we'll go up there, someday?”

“Go to sleep.”

“I know _you_ will,” she says quietly, and Levi freezes stiff, dumbstruck. “You're so strong. But Levi… you will take us with you won't you?”

Farlan stirs too. “Of _course_ , Isabel.”

“Do you promise to take us?”

Levi still can't speak a word, and thankfully Farlan seems to understand. “If we're going up there, we're going together, Isabel. You know that.”

Isabel's giggle carries through the quiet. “Well alright.” She settles back down onto her pallet, and, after a moment's silence, she whispers, “Don't worry, big bro. If I get there first, I'll take you with me, too.”

The smile is evident in Farlan's voice. “He can't get rid of us if he tried.”

She giggles again. “That's a promise!”

*

* * *

 

It's raining again. This is Levi's fifth expedition, and it's almost as bad as the first one. The ground has turned murky red with blood, the air heavy and humid with a lingering bite of rust.

Levi is watching, because he knows the drill now. Unlike the rest of his squad, he isn't walking amidst the corpses, trying to identify them, trying to see how many of them are whole enough to be carted back. No one asks him to join them, and for that he is pathetically grateful.

His gaze is caught by a glint of gold, dimmed in the steam and the rain. He watches as Erwin Smith kneels before a corpse, and before he knows it, his legs are carrying him towards his Squad Leader.

The man picks up a pale wrist from the muck, and as Levi nears him, he recognises the face on the ground from the group of the newest recruits. It is deathly quiet but for the rain, and still it takes Levi a moment to realise that the other man is speaking, whispering.

“... avenge you. I promise.”

Erwin Smith lets the hand drop and stands up, his face as stoic as ever. He glances at Levi, a flash of shocking, electric blue, and walks away.

Levi stays where he is. He doesn't know this drill, and he's not sure he wants to.

*

* * *

 

“No no no no _no_!” Hange wails. “Levi, _no_!”

Levi ignores her and holds her still within his iron grasp. Moblit is flitting about them, working so efficiently Levi is actually impressed.

“I _need_ to go back to my lab _now_!” Hange screeches, squirming madly. “The experiment-”

“Can wait,” Levi cuts in, then lifts her off her feet when she is twisting too much, causing her to let out another scream of outrage.

“No, it can't! You don't know - Erw _-Erwin_!” She spots the Commander as he walks past the half-open door and calls for him desperately. Erwin steps inside, then halts, his eyes widening.

“Do I need to know?”

“She fucking stinks,” Levi snaps.

“That's not important!” Hange sobs. “Erwin, I need to go back, there's a chemical dye I _have_ to add to the flare powder mixture _right now_ -”

“It can wait, Squad Leader,” Moblit sighs wearily, unclasping another buckle on her uniform straps.

“Moblit, you _traitor_!” Hange shrieks.

Erwin sighs too, brushing his hand over his face. “Does it need to be a spectacle?”

“I can knock her out again, if you like.” Levi grins.

Hange gasps, then stops squirming. “Levi, you _promised_!” She whispers, just as Moblit unbuckles one last strap and says, “Done.”

“Bullshit. I never make promises.” Levi carries her into the adjoining closet where he dumps her into the waiting tub with her clothes on.

“Scrub soap _twice._ Then come back to me.” He brandishes the key to her office before pocketing it. “I'll know if you haven't done it right, so don't bother lying.”

“I hate you,” she scowls and Levi slams the door shut behind himself. The three of them exchange a long glance, then Moblit mutters, “I need a drink,” and leaves. Erwin and Levi follow him outside.

“Maybe next time try being a little more gentle?” Erwin asks mildly.

“No promises,” Levi reminds him, and Erwin finally laughs.

*

* * *

 

“Do you swear to offer your heart to the King, and serve for the safety and security of humanity?”

Levi grits his teeth and glances to his right, where he can just about see Erwin, calm and solemn, his bright blue eyes fixed on his face. He turns back to the official. “I offer my heart and my lifelong services to protect and serve humanity.”

The official hesitates and glances at the superior officers standing to the side. Erwin nods, and the official hands Levi the tightly rolled scroll, sealed with the crest of the Commander-in-Chief himself.

The officers come to shake Levi's hand, Erwin last of all. “Congratulations, _Captain_ Levi,” he murmurs, and Levi's heart jolts at the smile on his face.

*

* * *

 

“That prick Lord Olsson is going to be there, isn't he?” Levi hisses, pulling at the ends of his jacket.

Erwin is checking his reflection in the window, and pats his hair down for what seems like the dozenth time. “Most likely.”

“Tch.” Levi crosses his arms over his chest. “Remember the fucking sanctimonious speech he gave last time? As if he's doing us a favour by _letting_ us die in droves outside the walls.”

Erwin sighs. “Levi.”

“I'll rip him a new one if he keeps spewing that shit tonight,” Levi continues.

Erwin turns to him. “ _Levi_.”

“What?” Levi barks. “Why the hell should I take it lying down? Since when is it okay to be fucking _ashamed_ of-”

He stops talking abruptly when Erwin comes over and places both his hands on his shoulders. “This is your first ball since your promotion. Can you _try_ and get along with the nobles for one evening?” He squeezes his shoulders gently and Levi ignores the way warmth seems to spread through him from that touch. “Just one evening?”

Levi huffs, and looks away. “No promises,” he says pointedly.

Erwin sighs and lets his hands drop. “For _once_ , Levi-”

There is a soft knock on the door, and a soldier pops his head in. “The carriage is here, Commander. Captain.”

“We'll be there in a moment. Thank you, Paul,” Erwin nods. The door clicks softly shut behind the soldier and Erwin continues as if there was no pause, “Just for once would you try? Look at it this way: the more funding we get, the more funds I'll have to spare for non-essential resources.” Levi opens his mouth, but Erwin adds, grinning, “Like tea.”

Levi frowns and clicks his mouth shut. Erwin is clearly waiting for his response, and Levi mutters, “Non-essential, my ass.”

Erwin chuckles, and somehow Levi feels _warmer,_ so he reaches forward and grabs Erwin's bolo tie, whose ends are uneven. “Tch.” He yanks at the strings aggressively. “This thing is driving me crazy. Can't even put it on properly, can you, you shithead?”

Erwin simply smiles and lets him adjust it, which only deepens Levi's scowl and he snaps, “Don't get too drunk tonight. I'm not hauling your fat ass back here.”

“No promises,” Erwin smirks.

“Ooh, clever,” Levi deadpans. Erwin laughs, and for a moment Levi can _feel_ it rumble through Erwin's chest. Then he steps away. “That’s better.”

“Thank you,” Erwin smiles, and Levi knows from experience to look away, like he knows he mustn't stare directly at the sun. And, as always, he ignores the tender brush of Erwin's hand along his shoulder, and follows him out.

*

* * *

 

“Miller. You forgot to dot the 'i’.”

A sudden pause in the scratching of his quill. Then, “Yes. Forgive me.”

Levi shifts in his perch against the desk and looks carefully at Erwin's face, at the sunken shadows beneath his eyes, the tired slump of his shoulders. This may be the first time in days Erwin has had time to slow down. He planned the latest expedition for weeks, only for it to be cut short within a few hours because of the attack on Trost. And then there was cleanup in the city to organise, and then a whole new strategy to plan for the newly-discovered Titan shifter. Filling out death notices was shunted to the very end of the schedule, and Levi wonders now if they really should have left this for last.

“Right flank, 7th squad,” Levi prods him, and Erwin takes up his quill again.

“I remember.” Of _course_ he remembers. Erwin fucking Smith forgets nothing.

Then Erwin sets down his quill again. “You held his hand as he died.”

Levi looks away. “I did.”

“What did you tell him?” There is nothing but curiosity in that question, it seems. Levi thinks back to Petra's tear-stained face, to Miller's blood seeping into his palm, Miller's beseeching eyes.

“Told him his death had meaning, and his will would give me strength.” Levi hesitates, but continues, “Swore to kill all the Titans.”

Erwin lets out a quiet huff of breath, a small, sad smile. “You swore.”

His throat feels dry. “For the first time,” he nods. And to his shock, Erwin chuckles.

He's _laughing_ at him.

“What the fuck, Erwin,” Levi hisses.

“Forgive me.” That shitty sad smile is back on his face. “That's not how it works, you know. It's not like a magic word.” Erwin leans forward, and places his palm gently on Levi's chest, right above his heart. “It comes from here.”

Levi stops breathing. “I know.”

“Then that wasn't the first time, was it?”

His head is filled with _noise._ The sound of a teacup shattering, of fluttering wings, a flash of crimson and steel, a palm holding his rain-soaked blade at bay-

“No,” Levi admits.

*

* * *

 

“We'll let you in as soon as we can, Captain,” the nurse tells him earnestly, “I _swear_.” Levi is too tired to say anything, to snap back, to even bristle at her choice of words. _Promises don't count for shit_ , Kenny reminds him in his head, and Levi waits, still and tense.

When they finally let him inside, he feels like he is falling for a split second. The empty space on Erwin's right side is like a punch to his gut. He remembers that hand, remembers the scar he put on its palm, remembers it resting, soft and warm, on his own chest, feeling his own beating heart.

The oath he has never named makes him drag the single chair to the side of the bed where the bandaged stump rests. He is his right-hand man, after all.

*

* * *

 

“You finally did it, you bastard,” Levi murmurs. Everyone is mingling, cheering, congratulating each other, and bowing to the new Queen. Erwin stands a little behind the crowd and watches, already having bent his knee.

Erwin smirks. “I told you so.”

Levi rolls his eyes, and turns back to the crowd. “How does it feel?”

Erwin is quiet for so long Levi has to glance at him to check if he heard him. He is smiling, the glimmer of his blue, blue eyes has softened somehow, and Levi has to look away again.

“Like an oath fulfilled,” Erwin breathes.

*

* * *

 

Promises _burn_.

It's ironic, how Kenny died from burns anyway, despite having run from them his whole life. It's ridiculous how Levi avoids them, as if it's just a question of semantics, as if it won't come true if he doesn't say it.

It's sickening, how it burns in his stomach, how Erwin laughs at him again, at the hollow non-promise of physical violence. It's fucking _painful_ , when he realises that every order of his demands a promise in return, when he tells them not to die, and they swear not to.

It burns, it _burns_ when he takes up the burden himself, makes the choice that only Humanity's Strongest could hope to bear, willingly sets himself afire. It eats at his heart, muscle by muscle, tendons burning one by one, smoke rising into his lungs, choking his throat, putting a heavy weight in his chest.

And it keeps burning, little by little, as days and weeks and months fly by. It burns harsh, stark, when he carries the bundle back with him, cold bones leaving invisible blisters on his fingertips.

And it keeps burning, when he is forced to play a farce, forced to listen to mocking words leave a throat he longs to crush with his bare hands. And it flares up when he has to take blades to hand again, when he is forced to cut the napes of _monsters_ that never were, lancing pain through his smouldering heart when he _still_ can't strike the nape of the one that really matters.

He is burning, inside and out, and it never stops, it _never fucking stops_. His ears are ringing with it, his nose filled with its acrid smoke, every inch of his skin sizzling from the punishing heat of it. He is flying, but the wings that Erwin once gave him have long turned to cinders.

Promises burn like a fucking bitch, and Levi has them branded onto his brain, into his heart.

_I swore to him._

__

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I simply refuse to believe he's dead just yet. He can't be. It feels like his story's not over yet. But now it looks like it's going to be drawn out over chapters of agonising length, and I hate this even more.
> 
> I may have gone overboard on the angst and the symbolism, but that's just the frame of mind I'm in, sorry. Do let me know what you think.
> 
> EDIT: I made the above art after chapter 115. The previous chapter had already drained me so much emotionally (which I handled by writing this fic), that I felt completely out of words to write post 115. Instead, I managed to pour out all my distress into this art, so sorry if it seems a bit too bleak.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! We're in this together! <3


End file.
